A knight and her lovely elven girlfriend.
I wish it was socially acceptable to wear whatever we want and I’m just not talking about revealing clothes I’m talking about togas and full on Victorian dress and evening gowns for the hell of it. I mean imagine if people went around dressed like elves or dwarves from Lord of the Rings it would be fabulous I mean have you seen how hot that stuff makes you
imagine a pacific rim video game with really great character customisation and you start in jaeger training or something and instead of romance options there’s drift compatibility and the person you get as a partner depends on which dialogue choices you pick throughout all of your training and instead of classes there’s different types of jaeger and THEN YOU GO KICK SOME KAIJU ASS
A couple months ago, this “gift guide for men” emailed us and asked if we would write a forward to their stupid book. We wrote them back with a draft of a forward that trolled them and sent it back, expecting that to be the end of it.
But much to our surprise, today we got a box of gift guides for men with our troll intro printed in each one. The cover even advertises, “WITH A FORWARD BY THE CREATORS OF CARDS AGAINST HUMANITY.”
Here’s the intro that they actually printed:
We, creators of popular-for-men party game Cards Against Humanity, designed our game with one purpose: to restore manliness to the world. In the centuries since Lady Montagu first christened man “the fairer sex,” people have lost sight of the four cardinal virtues of manhood: Piety, Purity, Submission, and Domesticity. In decades past, choosing the proper gift for a man was a delicate dance of rewarding these virtues, not the consumerist farce it has become today.
This year, the Cards Against Humanity team made an important discovery. Digging through the archive of Men’s Studies at the University of Chicago, we found a pamphlet entitled A Primer on Buying Gifts for Men, written in 1882 by John Shingley. The following excerpt of do’s and dont’s is a snapshot of manhood at its purest, and a cogent argument for the role of gift-giving in the foundation of the virtuous family:
- Avoid potentially shocking gifts. Men are frail and quick to blush. Gifts such as noisemakers, personal type-writers, and putties may embarrass the recipient or send him into a faint.
- Prefer the gift that is instructive and useful, e.g. some yarn, a block of wood, earmuffs to keep the Devil out. It may be tempting to flatter your delicate moonflower with brooches and filigreed cameos, but hold firm to your values! You must guide his moral development as the falconer guides the kestrel’s gyre.
- Avoid gifts that promote idleness or whimsy. Men are prone to weak affectations and dispositions of mind. Sweets are inadvisable in this regard, as are marbles, bilbo catchers, leather balls, and quoits.
- Do not buy him books! Men are incapable of logic and not amenable to reason.
- There’s no such thing as too many aprons. Trying on that muslin smock is the perfect excuse to spend more time at stove and table, where a man’s true gifts unwrap themselves.
- There’s more to man’s world than the kitchen. There’s also the scullery, the pantry, and the nursery. As the “angel of the house,” your darling cherub is sure to thrill at any appliance that assists him in the holy task of keeping house and home.
- Ultimately, your happiness is his happiness. Buy yourself a gift instead, and give your man the joy of seeing you smile.
Homes may no longer have sculleries, and bilbo catchers may have been outlawed years ago, but the sentiment remains the same. The battle for man’s soul rages on, and the chief weapon is gift-giving. Though we at Cards Against Humanity haven’t gotten around to reading Gifts for Men, we’re sure that it’s a fitting successor to John Shingley’s Primer. We’d like to think that the book is not only edifying, but practical. Every minute you save on choosing a gift for your man is a minute you can spend writing him poetry, massaging his earlobes, and singing hymns over his sweetly sleeping body.
That is fucking exquisite.
Oh my god, this is marvelous and I am in love.
haha people talking about sleepy hollow ripping off spn. that’s ridiculous, where’s the racism and sexism